Wise words, Craig...

Posted By: Jim B., wandering around
Date: 7/18/08 6:23p.m.

Report: outside forum guidelines

In Response To: Addendum (Craig D)

Unless the bride and groom are paying for everything themselves AND don't care who's feelings they hurt, it's not just THEIR wedding. Having been involved in over 800 weddings, I've seen what hurt feelings can do... to the family, to the mood of the day, and the baggage created. Too many people confuse the WEDDING with the MARRIAGE. People (especially brides and Moms) plan the heck out of the wedding, but have no plan for the marriage. This will not be a popular opinion, but... the ONLY thing that matters is that the bride and groom are there and they want to be there. EVERYTHING else is for the "show." Lanterns, bouquets, shoes, who eats what, who wears what, who picks out the little mints that go on the cake table, bridesmaids, who sits where... without a bride and groom who are ready to commit themselves to each other, none of it means a thing. Moms worry about "what people will think." That's their job. Daughters declare their independence. There are very few weddings where this sort of thing DOESN'T occur. Where the real character comes through, people will realize that the clothes and the food doesn't really matter. It should be a day of celebration, not a struggle for who's "day" it is. If Kristen wants the lantern to be a part of the ceremony, she could use it in place of a unity candle. Nice significance there, especially with the wise words from your post. So much of this stuff isn't worth arguing and hurting feelings... but that's just one ol' VERY retired wedding shooter's opinion. BTW, I quit doing weddings 18 years before we retired. Too many hassles, too many brides and Moms trying to have THEIR day. What the wedding day should be about: the guests. These people give of their time to come celebrate the day with the bride and groom. The truly considerate B&G spend time with those folks and include them in the celebration. And that CERTAINLY includes Moms, Dads, and the rest of the family and friends. The wedding is the CELEBRATION of the union, not a style show, not a food fest, and not a show of who is in control. I've seen it both ways. Considerate is always better. Jim B.